Drowning In Poison (FC)

Everything is a big decision for me. It’s just something going on that I don’t understand myself. As a result, doubt has followed me since school began. As a student athlete, I deal with everyday homework, high school drama, family life, long practices, and everything else. I feel like everyone expects so much of me that it gets to be a bit much. That is when my negative feelings kicked in. Feelings of frustration and uselessness have haunted me.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel overwhelmed and terrible. If I had to compare my life to something, I would say I’m drowning in poison. Why? I focus on my lovely sports, water polo and swimming, more than academics. I absolutely adore the game and play as hard as I can. I just can’t help it; I fell in love with the sport. Problem is, I’m too exhausted to get any work done after the game or practice is over. Because of this, I start to put myself down in everything I do and place a bigger weight on my shoulders. As much as I fight with this bad side of me, I almost never win. It finds its way back to me.

To be honest with myself and everyone, I’m scared. Am I able to do swimming this year? Is it just me who feels this way? Is sophomore year getting to be too much for me? Should I forget sports altogether and focus on my studies? These are the types of questions that send chills of fear down my spine and give me goose bumps. Sports have become a part of me. At the same time, I want to do well in school. I need to answer these questions, but I’m afraid of the answer. I don’t want to keep crying or just quit, but at the same time, I want an escape from everything. I want to relax for once. I want to be free.

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5 thoughts on “Drowning In Poison (FC)

  1. I loved this article. It’s something that every high schooler relate to. I liked your honesty in this article as well. I know it can be overwhelming, but you just have to keep going.(:

  2. I understand and also feel the same as you do in a way. High school is something that is quite stressful for people our age, but it’s usually because we make it stressful ourselves sometimes. I feel as if in your case your stress is because you’re living your life in an unbalanced way. In all honesty I personally think there’s a way to find balance in our lives, we just need to figure out how.

    • I absolutely agree with you. I think too much and that, my friend, is a main reason why I get stressed easily. You may see me pretty calm on the outside, but on the inside, I’m all messed up.

  3. No sweetheart! You already know we (the whole family and I) believe in your potencial. But like jojo42157 already mentioned, it’s about balance. I could easily tell you “Well, quit sports y YA!” but that’s not the point. The point is for you to learn to balance school and work and everything else; to learn where your priorities are; to challenge yourself in a way that bring the best out of you; and most importantly to enjoy your life by playing sports and learning! It’s definitely hard and stressful but always remember you CAN do it and you CAN succeed.

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